Secondary Characteristics

Something in the King's Speech really hit home with me. There's a line in the movie about how the King doesn't stutter when he's talking to himself. And if he doesn't stutter when he's by himself, then maybe his stuttering isn't permanent.

I generally don't stutter when I'm talking to myself, which is nearly all the time. But introducing myself, answering the phone or making a phone call, and going through the drive thru - basically anything that involves talking to someone other than friends and family - are all things that cause anxiety for me. Even saying Thank You can be challenging.

When I feel confident, I feel like I can say anything I want for as long as I want. Which means Anxiety is the enemy!

And anxiety, for me at least, results in secondary characteristics. I have a lot of secondary characteristics - otherwise known as "Bad Habits." I don't just do them when I'm anxious, but I think they each start when I'm anxious. I'm very aware of them, and it makes me angry with myself that I don't control them better, but I thought that writing about them may help me to face them, and eventually eradicate them.

When I was a kid I had a few bad habits, like clicking my tongue, clinching my fists, and blinking a lot or blinking hard. But the worst was Looking Up. I'd look up at the ceiling for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes it even strained my eye muscles. Occasionally I'd turn my entire head. I hated it, everyone else hated it, but I just couldn't help it.

My parents helped me get over my Looking Up. My dad held his hand up in front of my face and asked me to focus on it as he slowly waved it from side to side. I thought it would never end! My need to Look Up was very powerful at that moment. But it was a great experience for me - my dad showed me that I can control it if I wanted to, if I have the willpower to do so. He made me realize that he didn't make me look at his hand waving... I did.

And from then on, I didn't look up nearly as often. The bad thing, of course, is that I just adopted other bad habits over time.

but my parents can't always be there to help me expel my demons. So before I got my current job, I told my parents that I thought I needed to go back to speech therapy. I knew that I needed help. I needed help not just for my speech, but also for my secondary characteristics.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

My parents supported me in it, as they always do. (If I haven't said that I have the best parents ever, then let me say it now: I have the best, most loving parents any person could ever ask for! Thank you, parental units!)

And the first thing I told my speech therapist was that my secondary characteristics were consuming me from the inside and out. I hated that I was doing them, and I knew it was obvious to everyone else what I was doing, but I felt like I had no control over them. I felt like a drug addict, who knew he was doing something that was killing him, but couldn't stop himself from doing so.

And her answer was so hopeful! She said, "Oh, getting rid of those is easy! That'll be the first thing we do. Once those are gone, the rest of it is a piece of cake!"

And she was right! When I'm relaxed, breathing right, focused - and confident - my speech is definitely better. And what those secondary characteristics, those bad habits, do is get me tense, make me lose my focus, and most importantly, strip my confidence.

As you've probably guessed, I'm writing about secondary characteristics / bad habits this week because it's time to get rid of mine again. My homework assignment this week is to go ten minutes without doing one of mine. Maybe if I can do a couple of spurts in ten minute increments, I'll eventually string some of those together and go a day without doing any of my bad habits.

Wish me luck!